Its been a while

Im at home, sick as a dog. Throat infection and just generally run down.

Ive been working hard the last few weeks and its been good. Its nice to feel like you are doing something other than wallowing in self pity. Thoughts of ttc have been pushed to the back of my mind and Im surprised that Ive been able to do it with more ease than I thought possible, although its also been only a week or so.

We painted our bedroom and took up the (old, yuk, dusty) carpets. Our bedroom is now a beautiful soft stone colour and we getting laminated flooring installed next week. I love redecorating because then I have a room exactly as I want it to be. Our room used to have these stupid animals on a wallpaper border around the whole room, I hated it! We have commissioned an artist from Cape Town to paint us a stunning painting that we are going to hang above our bed. Ill take pics when its all finished. The last room in our house to be painted is the spare room soon to be nursery. I remember standing in that room almost 2 years ago, having just got my BFP and dreaming of what we were going to put where, colour schemes and watching our baby grow up. I still have that dream but its just getting so much harder to hold on to the faith that its going to happen. I go onto forums now and actually get jealous of those who have succeeded on their first, second and even third IVF, isnt that just so stupid? IVF isnt a walk in the park at any stage and I keep on just having to remind that terrible green monster on my shoulder.

So hubby and I decided that we are going to paint the nursery, its going to be the same colour as our room that way it will be ok for a boy or a girl (or both) 🙂 I mean how can we both be scared of a room in our house? Its ridiculous. So thats the mission for this weekend. Painting of the “soon to be” nursery.

And with that Im going to watch the taped “So.you.think.you.can.dance”. I love not being at work he he.

Update

Just got back from a few days in Bloemfontein (non-Saffas it’s a small inland city, typically Afrikaans with what seemed like a lot of students!), which is why I have been MIA.

 

My parents are coming today to come and visit for the weekend, so I am really looking forward to that. They live in Durban so it should take them around 6 hours to get to us. My mom sounds so excited! Shame, I love my parents!

 

Seeing my doc tomorrow and then have a therapy session booked for straight afterwards. Need to start digesting a lot of the noise in my head and start getting some sort of plan together, I hate this up in the air stuff. Im slowly warming up to the idea of DE. Ive joined an online support group called Parents through Egg Donation. Its so great to see the ladies there getting positives and also giving birth. It also gives me a chance to ask some difficult questions and everyone is so friendly and helpful. I asked my DH if he would be willing to chat a bit more after our appointment tomorrow and lets start making some decisions.

 

A HUGE massive congrats to my bloggy friend April for getting her BFP!!  WHOO HOO!!! You have no idea how happy I was when I read that! (wont link to her site because she has been having some blog issues with collegaues)

I also hope that Shaz feels better soon, you have me really worried.

Tickers?

What do you guys think about pregnancy tickers on a chat forum (specifically meant for ttc)?

Im a member of a forum where this was recently discussed. My view? I think putting a pregnancy ticker in your signature the very second you get those 2 lines is a tiny bit premature. Yes, I have a jaded view. But what really gets my goat is that its like an advert every time you read a post, a reminder, a rub in the face. Yes, I am jealous. Im not going to pretend Im not.

I was there once, on the “other” side but yet I never felt compelled to put a pregnancy ticker in my signature. I would never dream of it far too jinxy aswell as I dont want to rub it in the faces of my fellow forum users. Its funny how some people are different, think differently about infertility and also the feelings of others.

Thanks to the moderators for taking the stance that no tickers are allowed in the ttc chat rooms. I wouldnt be able to chat otherwise with all those tickers floating around!

This and that

Its been a long week! So much has happened. My DH got back from China on Saturday which made me very J. He bought an awesome camera which I played with whilst keeping one eye on the (very boring) Springboks vs Wales game. Sunday was spent packing up our ENTIRE kitchen (very tiring) but it was good because I got a little spring cleaning in and managed to donate a whole lot of “stuff” to my maid.

 

Monday they started with our kitchen – what a freaking NIGHTMARE! Cooking from your dining room table is not ideal and trying to cook something decent with a microwave is also not great. The kitchen is slowly taking shape and is looking pretty good, there are still a few things that need to be done – like changing the handles on the doors and cupboards and doing some tiling were the gas stove is going. Anyway it looks great. The only thing is that because both DH and I have typical Type A personalities – we need to be around to check that everything is done to OUR exacting standards. Which means that we have had to take some leave to be at home this week which is not all that bad but also means a mountain of work for next week.

 

In other news my AF arrived and I have started on my second pack of OCP’s. One down 2 to go! At least my hair and skin is looking good! I see on Fertilicare that a lady who did ZIFT got her BFP. This makes me feel like there is still hope. Today I went to go and buy my Menopur for my next cycle (want to try and recover the financials before the Xmas season). Um R7500 later. Not good. Feel like drinking after seeing that bill. Oh and you will be very proud of me – I have officially stopped smoking, maybe not so much stopped drinking but the smoking had to go. It’s a disgusting habit and doesn’t improve my chances for a BFP by any means.

 

I feel like Im way behind in my blog reading. Sorry guys, life has been just OTT hectic but I will catch up soon!

For my friend Robz, whos FET cycle was cancelled – sweety Im thinking of you during this difficult time.  xxx