Lonely…

DH is away. I hate it when he goes overseas. I often think well if I had children, I could keep myself busy but otherwise why cook for one? I’ll just eat a Woolies meal and drink a couple of glassess of my fav Drosty Hof Light, 1.5L bottle.

We got this awesome new lounge suite, its one of these reclining ones, in oxblood leather. Its devine, so I will sit in that, recline and watch Grey’s without disturbance, although I would rather have the disurbance.

I used to be such a social person but since IF hit my life, I have started to become such a recluse. Today a colleague asked me over for dinner and I just about fell over trying to think of an excuse not to go. I would actually rather be alone than around people with kids. How sad is that. Andrea mentioned in her posting today that she has a limit of pregnancy/baby talk with others well my limit is zero. I just dont do baby talk. I was in a meeting earlier that ended early. Two women started talking about their children – I couldnt shut my laptop down fast enough. Im in total self-preservation mode and I dont care either.

Why is it so hard to keep positive?

Been doing OK. The rest at home has really helped me, I felt like a zombie for the first few days. Im staying as positive as I can, visualising embryos implanting, talking nicely to them, listening to my relaxing CD’s etc. But why is it that negativity creeps in? A tiny voice in my head keeps saying such negative things and I hate it.  IVF is so difficult, its emotionally gruelling, definitley not for the faint hearted.

Im also having such terrible side effects from the PIO. I get such bad headaches and terrible nausea and I get so HOT!! Just wondering if I should switch to Cyclogest or just hang in there? DH says well at least its working which is true.

So I try to remain positive, think only good thoughts and keep on willing the little ones to implant! Today they should be blastocysts so implantation should be soon, I pray so.

My Thanks

Ive read on a lot of American blogs about Thanksgiving that is around the corner. In SA we don’t have such a holiday, which is a pity because its such a wonderful time to give thanks for everything in your life.

 

In celebration of this holiday, I would therefore like to give thanks for the following in my life:

 

My gorgeous husband who is ALWAYS there for me. Without him my life would be meaningless. I hate to talk about the days before him because they were very sad days. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship which caused havoc with my emotional state. Even though I was young (18/19) I feel like this guy did a lot of damage to me and who I am today. By a great miracle my wonderful husband landed in my life. I met him at a bar (of all places – I know!). It was literally love at first sight, I just knew I had met my soul mate. His long hair and rugged look is what attracted me to him. My DH and I are a team, we laugh, cry, celebrate together. We are seldom apart and when we are, I still miss him just as much as when we first met. I love my husband will all my heart and soul J

 

My family – without them I would be lost. My mom and I talk every week for at least an hour on the phone. She phones every Sunday night. My parents also battled to have my sister so I think she knows a little of what Im going through. She cried, big sobbing tears when I told her our precious bean had become an angel. I miss my mom, even though she is only 6 hours away it still often feels far. My dad is the quiet type, never saying much but when he does I really do listen and appreciate all the advice he gives me. My sister is a crazy one. Five years younger doesn’t mean much – shes a bit ditzy but the words of wisdom that come from her is so great. She ALWAYS knows what to say and when. I love my family very, very much.

 

My 2 gorgeous Scottish Terriers who have kept me sane on this rollercoaster. They always great you with such love and devotion, I love them to bits.

 

My job – without it there would be NO IVF’s!!

 

My cyber friends – without the support of which I would be a bumbling idiot.