What do you guys think about pregnancy tickers on a chat forum (specifically meant for ttc)?

Im a member of a forum where this was recently discussed. My view? I think putting a pregnancy ticker in your signature the very second you get those 2 lines is a tiny bit premature. Yes, I have a jaded view. But what really gets my goat is that its like an advert every time you read a post, a reminder, a rub in the face. Yes, I am jealous. Im not going to pretend Im not.

I was there once, on the “other” side but yet I never felt compelled to put a pregnancy ticker in my signature. I would never dream of it far too jinxy aswell as I dont want to rub it in the faces of my fellow forum users. Its funny how some people are different, think differently about infertility and also the feelings of others.

Thanks to the moderators for taking the stance that no tickers are allowed in the ttc chat rooms. I wouldnt be able to chat otherwise with all those tickers floating around!


7 comments so far

  1. Shaz on

    Hey Dee
    Its something I (clearly) feel very strongly about. I’ve been a member of various forums over the past 7 years and this has ALWAYS been an issue. FC is the first forum I’ve used that has taken a proper stance on this never ending issue.
    What really gets my goat is that certain individuals seem to think that the Moderators operate independantly and do whatever they want. They have NO idea what goes on on the back end. I receive daily emails from users on the forum with complaints about postings, tickers, offensive topics etc etc etc. As a Moderator I don’t just make my own judgements but always discuss with one of the moderators and if we’re in agreement, we will then take action, whether is be issuing an infraction or moving or deleting a post.
    But its amazing how some people are not mature enought to handle the situation with any kind of sensitivity and will issue a personal attack on some of our members. Its very disappointing as we often forget that our beloved forum is not always the safe haven we think it is.

  2. Elize on

    Hi Dee, For me personally tickers don’t offend me as a whole. There are times when I am more sensitive towards it than other times. When going through a loss, it feels like a stake has been pushed through my heart every time I see one, and that goes for seeing photos of any baby, family, child, pregnant belly etc. When I’m feeling better I can tolerate it more. I do believe however that if you are part of an Infertility forum then you HAVE to be sensitive towards others. Many a pregnant lady has seemingly forgotten how they have vented on the forum about some one’s oops pregnancy and some one who’s pregnant and only tried for one month. It hurt for them too. But funny how they forget.

    If you are part of a normal run of the mill ttc forum, then that’s obviously a different scenario. When tickers then start to bother you, that’s when you need to go to a place that offers more protection like FC and make new friends there, who actually get you and can offer the kind of support you need. People who have just started trying have no idea what it feels like after a few losses , and a few IVF’s later etc. Its typically those women who feel hard done by when the issue of tickers come up, or they are much stronger emotionally and cannot understand why some people are so fragile. They then use words like ‘get over it’ etc.

    Its all about give and take. I believe that an IF forum is a place of support. You go there because you need support, so you take whatever you can get. When you are pregnant it’s time to give back, and you give back by being sensitive towards those still on the sidelines.

    I also like to put myself in someone elses shoes, so yes falling pregnant while part of an IF board can be very lonely, because all of a sudden your support is yanked away from you, and you are left in the dark feeling ignored and abandoned. But, you cannot expect any more support or understanding from your fellow IF sisters, you need to move to the pregnancy board with grace and dignity and make new friends, who are better equipped at giving you support you need. Those friends also have the potential of being ‘life time friends’ and the IF board I believe mainly offers “reason or season” friends. (I lov e this expression of Sharon)

    Obviously everyone is welcome to comment in any forum, but if you do venture to your old stomping grounds then show some respect. It’ not that pregnancy or pregnancy tickers are offensive, it has the potential of hurting some one even more. Do they really want to cause more hurt? I surely hope not.

    The other thing too is this. Abide by the rules. It’s simple, the rules says not tickers in the ttc forum then don’t do it. It just shows an arrogant or mean spirit if you continue to do so.

    Sorry this is so long. If you don’t like my response then please delete it. I won’t be offended. Promise.

  3. dee on

    Elize, you have said everything I was thinking. xxx

  4. April on

    1. i like the new look πŸ™‚
    2. you have not been a bad bloggy friend. we are all going through different stages of this shitty disease and we support eachother the way that we can and that is great.
    3. you were my first real bloggy friend, so you have a special place in my heart! πŸ™‚
    4. i totally get what you are talking about. especially in a chat room. yep, people can be happy, but maybe go to another place for that ticker instead of the ttc room….

  5. Joni on

    Hey Dee

    I totally agree with the stance taken by the moderators… and trust me I know that they don’t act alone or with malice I too have complained about victimisation and they’ve worked together to sort it out!

    I feel the same way as you about pregnancy tickers and Elize’s post totally sums up my feelings! Some days I am strong enough to stomach a quick glance on the preggos forum and some days I don’t dare….

    It’s a mutual respect thing and consideration…. stick to the rules and be concious what is allowed or not allowed! If you don’t like the rules or won’t abide by them find another forum! But please don’t corrupt Fertilicare it is a very safe haven for many we can’t let insensitive people spoil it!

    Great topic and post Dee!!

    Sharon you ladies do a wonderful job and a big up to you all!!!!

  6. celia on

    I don’t really mind them. But I am creeped out when people call themselves “Kiki’s Mom” or “Momof2”. Like they have no identity of their own.

  7. Andrea on

    I agree. TTC is hard enough without having to see that everyone else has what you don’t. Here’s hoping we NEED (but don’t use) pregnancy tickers very soon!

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