January Blues

It seems to me that a lot of fellow bloggers are battling emotionally. For those in the same boat as me (repeated IVF failure), its hard to deal with the reflections of 2009 and trying to look forward with optimism to 2010. The festive season, it appears, was hard for a lot of us. Im still battling. I wanted to make an appointment to see my therapist but I just don’t have the energy to go over there and speak to her (she’s at my old clinic and I think that’s another reason why I don’t want to go there). Maybe Ill call her.

We see our new FS next week Wednesday. The plan is that we want to try another IVF, using our own gametes. I haven’t had any stim meds since last year January so Im hoping that I can produce some nice eggs. We want to try PICSI this time round and also want to do the sperm DNA test that this clinic offers. I think going to a new clinic gives us a bit more hope, oh and its cheaper, so less time needed to save. We are looking at an April cycle, just as the astrologer said. If this cycle works I’ll fly to London and kiss her myself.  

Ive started googling “egg quality” half to death. Ive started eating my carbs before 3pm to try and help with the insulin spike at night interfering with the growth hormone. Im on Vit E, C, omegas, antioxidants and Wheatgrass.

B.R.I.N.G-I.T-O.N. Any other suggestions on how to improve egg quality?  

So, this is me – gearing up for IVF #7. Lucky 7 I believe. Its strange that after a year of conditioning my mind towards donor egg, now we will be using my own eggs again. I think I gave up too quickly on myself. I wanted a baby so much and I was pretty certain DE would be the key and now I see that perhaps it isn’t. If I am honest with myself, it would mean the world to me to be able to have a child that is genetically mine and DH’s but if that is not meant to be then Im OK with that too. This is all a journey but what I wouldn’t give for a magic crystal ball.

Pulling myself towards myself

So after feeling pretty dismal for a couple of weeks, Ive decided that we need to decide what we are doing and when, its the only way I will get out of this dark hole. Hubby returns from overseas tomorrow so I am taking leave to spend the day with him and discuss our next steps. So hopefully I will be reporting back with some sort of POA in the very near future.

Ive also changed my AD’s to another generic of Cip.ramil, perhaps its that but I do feel a whole lot better. Dr V wanted me on that specific AD because apparently you can take it during pregnancy (now wouldnt that be nice).

To Sam – I am so sorry about your results today. When I opened your blog, I was shocked to read it. I actually dont even know what to say because I am just so angry for you. Very BIG hugs. xxx