Ive been quiet, I know

So I have been pretty quiet. Been pretty busy at work but Ive have a million things going around in my head and I needed to work through everything. The short story is that we ended up choosing a donor (not an easy choice) but then my agency found out that she had started with the 3 month injection and there was no way she could still donate. Most people would just move onto the next one but I started doubting this whole process AGAIN “Was it a *sign*??”. Basically I went from hero to zero in a few days, back to the dark depresssion, questioning, head gymnastics, going back and forth a million times. Many may not realise the emotional investment you make when you choose a donor, its not easy, its not just merely picking out someone as some may think. 

So we have decided to see another FS, just to get a second opinion and see what he says. The FS we are seeing is in Durban, we are going down at the end of the month and he so happened to have an opening for us.

The other “issue” is that I got my results back from the endocrinologist. Apparently everything is “one hundred percent normal and I can continue with the infertility stuff”. Not sure why I paid R1000 to be told that. I just dont understand why if everything is so damn normal then why am i so ABnormal?

So for now we wait again and see what happens. Sorry if this post is lacking structure but my head is literally all over the show at the moment. (Luckily Im seeing my therapist tomorrow, need to verbalise some of my fears).