Archive for the ‘ICLW’ Tag


Its been a while since I posted, no real reason, just getting on with life, trying to act like a normal citizen, go to work, earn money, come home enjoy my dogs, husband, drink some wine with a bit of exercise thrown in for good measure. Pretty normal stuff.

At one stage I was certain my RE was ignoring me, didnt get any replies from him which is unusual. I heard he has been away and I guess seeing that this next cycle will be my 6th fresh with him I guess he has just decided that the newer patients need more attention. I do feel a bit unloved.

Welcome to those visiting from ICLW. Im basically in the waiting phase, waiting to start my 2nd DE cycle and 6th fresh IVF. Its been fun and games since we started ttc, you can read more at the “About” tab.

All-in-all Im feeling OK, a bit hopeful, a bit nervous, a bit negative and a bit positive. As my therapist said to me you cant possibly go into your 6th cycle with a big smile and a ton of positivity, if I did she would think I WAS abnormal. That made me feel better coz I dont want to put on a brave face if I dont have to.


Welcome ICLW

Cant believe we at that time already, but welcome to my blog – I am not really in the greatest of moods due to my 5th IVF failure which I found out about this week.

I know I would get totally pissed off if I arrived at a blog with a p/w protected post so I apologise, I never do it normally but there were some sensitive things that I needed to get off my chest with f-bombs flying all over the place.

I honestly thought that after debating in our minds for so long about DE that this would be the answer to our prayers but it was not meant to be, I cant stop thinking about how stupid I feel, thinking that this might actually work. We threw the whole book at this cycle, everything I could think of to do was done but thats it, done and dusted and time to move on.

Our moving on plan involves donor embryos who we have been given by some wonderful friends. My RE wants to transfer them on a “natural” cycle which just about made me want to puke because I dont even understand what that means. For now Im just going to try and get all the meds out of my system and see how “natural” this cycle actually is.

Thats all folks.

Emotions running high

As the day draws near to start our DE IVF cycle I find myself becoming more and more anxious. Today I am quite teary. I just want a sign that we are doing the right thing. Tomorrow I scan to check that the corpus luteum cyst has gone and then get my Lucrin depot. It seems so real now. Breathe in – breathe out – breathe in – breathe out…..

For those visiting from ICLW – Welcome! I also draw your attention to the Live Blastocyst Library link on the right hand side. If there are any successful IVF mommies visiting, it would be great if you could send in your blast pics.

ICLW’ers Intro

I Love ICLW week, I always find a few more blogs to read over this week!

The short intro:

1. Trying almost 4 years

2. Diagnosis: PCOS and poor sperm

3. Treatment: 3 IUI’s, 4 IVF’s incl ICSI and ZIFT on last try.

4. 1 loss at 8 weeks after IVF #2

5. Way forward: Donor eggs, cycling in July.

Much love xxx


Hi all ICLW’ers,

If this is your first visit to my blog then Im sorry that you had to read the disgusting news about my uncle who was murdered in his own home. I guess thats what you get living in South Africa, its so unbelievably sad that our beautiful country is ruled by these mindless souls.

A bit of my story, pretty boring really – been trying for over 3 years now. 3 IUI’s, 4 IVF’s, 1 m/c at 8 weeks. Bottom line we have PCOS and poor sperm to deal with. My eggs are apparently pretty crap, our fert report is never really good eventhough I always have plenty of eggs. Next step – donor eggs. Unfortunately we cant keep on wasting money on my own eggs if they really are as bad as what Im told they are. Here in SA there is no medical insurance AT ALL for infertility, which basically means we have to move on now.

I turn 30 on the 3oth April this year, which is not helping my depression levels, including the death of my dear uncle. I feel like crawling into a hole and staying there until Im ready to come out.