Its been a while since I posted, no real reason, just getting on with life, trying to act like a normal citizen, go to work, earn money, come home enjoy my dogs, husband, drink some wine with a bit of exercise thrown in for good measure. Pretty normal stuff.

At one stage I was certain my RE was ignoring me, didnt get any replies from him which is unusual. I heard he has been away and I guess seeing that this next cycle will be my 6th fresh with him I guess he has just decided that the newer patients need more attention. I do feel a bit unloved.

Welcome to those visiting from ICLW. Im basically in the waiting phase, waiting to start my 2nd DE cycle and 6th fresh IVF. Its been fun and games since we started ttc, you can read more at the “About” tab.

All-in-all Im feeling OK, a bit hopeful, a bit nervous, a bit negative and a bit positive. As my therapist said to me you cant possibly go into your 6th cycle with a big smile and a ton of positivity, if I did she would think I WAS abnormal. That made me feel better coz I dont want to put on a brave face if I dont have to.


9 comments so far

  1. mommyinwaiting on

    Good luck with this cycle! I can only imagine that you can’t do this with the level of positivity you have the first round. But one of my IF buddies has assured me that being positive or being negative doesn’t make any difference to the outcome. Let’s just keep fingers crossed.

  2. cindyhoo2 on

    I hear you loud and clear. I have begun my 5th IVF cycle now (second with donor eggs) and I have having trouble channelling my sense of excitement. I have a quiet hope living inside but no excited anticipation. The negative does creep in doesn’t it? I try to stay in the positive/neutral headspace but I think you and your therapist are right. we would have be crazy to be super excited at this point in the ttc journey. Hang in there. You can do this!

  3. karlinda on

    She’s right, you can do this. You would be crazy to be really excited at this point, but then again, there’s always hope (or we’d give up completely, right?).

  4. JourneyGirl on

    Yeah, I hear you about the excitement and I have to admit I have been focussing my energy on the actual trip to Thailand moreso than the next cycle – I am positive and negative as you said. I am with you on your journey cycle sister!!

  5. K on

    Regardless of how many cycles you have doen you are still a paitent. I hope that he get on the ball real soon!!!

  6. peanuttam on

    I get the putting on a brave/happy face thing. I’m so over that these days. It changes with every cycle that you do, the more failures that you have.

    I too am battling with the “hope” side of things and have decided that what will be will be, with or without hope. Being cynical and jaded doesn’t mean that my next cycle will fail, it’s just the way that things are.

    We aren’t who we used to be, that newby excited chick sitting in her FS’s office with all the hope in the world is long gone and probably wont ever come back. IF forever changes us, in bad ways but in good ways too.

    I really hope that this is it for you Dee, you so deserve for this heartache to end now.

    Big hugs xxx

  7. Alice on

    Thanks for sharing your journey. The waiting part is really hard and the range of emotions is crazy. I have been all over the place through my own journey. I often try and suppress my hope, and think I don’t have it…but I just keep trying and trying. We are all so strong! I am wishing you the very best this cycle. xoxo,


  8. samcy on

    Wishing you all the best for this cycle Dee!


  9. Krystal on

    Happy ICLW! It’s probably good for you to take a break to just NOT think about IF or IVF for awhile! Good for you!

    I hope this next round is awesome! Good luck!

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