Im alive (barely)

So just thought I would post to let you know that I am alive, barely. Last week I actually wished I was dead, how far down the depression hole I have fallen…

The sadness and pain in my heart is still very raw but with the fantastic support of friends and family the healing has begun. I always thought that i would do whatever it takes, how ever many IVF’s needed but I cant keep on knocking my head against a brick wall and getting no-where.

When Dr V called about my beta he mentioned the “D” word (donor). It seems that having done 4 IVF’s with 1 m/c he is worried that we might just continue to waste our time and money. I guess he is right.

The “D” word scares me a bit, still need time to digest it. We both do. But I guess it may be the only way out considering our history.


7 comments so far

  1. Shaz on

    Oh Dee! I”m so sorry Love. I know what you mean about just running into the same brick wall all the time. It has to end at some point.
    Don’t make any decisions now, let hat “D” word sink in a bit.
    Thinking of u!

  2. Elize on

    Thinking of you Dee. Making a decision to use donor eggs is not easy. Hope you feel better soon. (((HUGS)))

  3. Leigh from 123 blog on

    I’m glad you’re alive, if only barely as you say.

    Take all the time you need – someone once told me we draw these lines in the sand and think, “this far and no further” and then we keep erasing those lines and drawing new ones.

    Even IVF was a very definite line for us and here we are.

    But take your time – I’m praying for you!

  4. April on

    oh dee. 😦 this breaks my heart. i hate that you have to go through this. really. every decision around IF sucks and is so emotionally taxing. especially now.

    hang in there. thinking about you. **hugs**

  5. samcy on

    Honey, glad to hear you’re (barely) alive. I’ve been thinking about you and praying for you. Deciding to move forward with Donor is huge – take your time to digest, research and then make your decisions.


  6. Leigh from 123 blog on

    I thought of you when I read this


    Are you coming to the group next week?

  7. awakeintheworld on

    I’m so sorry. I hope things feel better soon.

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