Things I Never Knew

Having your babies in the NNU is hard. Fucking hard. No matter how much I prepared for it, living it is a different story.

How much guilt I would feel at seeing my children in the NNU.

How much I want to take my children home.

How much I would learn from the NNU nurses.

How much I would miss my home and sleeping in my own bed.

My breastmilk is only coming in properly now, 2 weeks after birth. No-one told me it could take this long, even with the help of meds.

Expressing is painful (does the pain ever get better?). My days revolve around bo.ob time, I have to plan everything around 3 hours so I can be back in time to express.

The amount of bills that would be rolling in. I have a stack of bills that need attention. I think I might have been sent a bill by the cleaner for emptying my bin, no-one misses an opportunity to send you a bill.

Medical aid is super-stupid, no-one understands what it means to have triplets.

Medical aid will find any opportunity not to pay, you have to stay one step ahead of those bastards.

How much I would miss my big tummy and how much I want my un-pregnant belly to go down. Im just waiting for someone to ask me when Iā€™m due.

How much I appreciate my husband. Seeing him with his daughters is an amazing feeling.


23 comments so far

  1. Karen on

    Congratulations on the birth of your girls! I hope they continue to grow stronger everyday & that they can go home with you & hubby ASAP!!

  2. Abs on

    Love your honesty hun and loving following your first few weeks as a mommy! You are doing your best and that’s all anyone expects. Sending love & strength x x x
    PS: Bah Humbug to the medical aid companies! – Bloody Xmas Grinches!

  3. Elize on

    Ai Dee, it sounds bloody hard! Hang in there, in no time at all you’ll have your babies to yourself, healthy and happy. Thinking of you. Strongs hon.

  4. zamom on

    I don’t understand what you’re going through but I can only imagine how hard is not having them with you. I’ll be honest and say that I never enjoyed expressing although it was never painful (I only started once my girls were older, once my milk had come in) so on the pain-front I’m sure it will get better. Medical aids are the absolute pits, I agree with them finding any reason not to pay. My DH is a specialist and they’re just as bad when you’re on the “other” side trying to get them to pay. Thinking of you so much and hoping your girls will soon be safely home.

  5. mozzie01 on

    I relate 100% with this post…and I actually got tears in my eyes when I read it!!! You are doing SO SO well and things do get easier with time. Having babies in NICU is truly the pits…so emotional in so many different ways. Keep your eye on the biggest reward…taking them home!!! I am here for you…thinking of you so much.

  6. Marcia (123 blog) on

    It is horrible, isn’t it, because no one understands and keeps asking questions you would love to know the answers to – like, when are they coming home? (for you it’s times 3. times 2 was bad enough) I can recommend deleting stupid questions on your cell phone šŸ™‚ I got so overwhelmed with all of the people stuff I just deleted. Without guilt.

    I only expressed for 27 days but it was horrible and painful for all of those 27 days and I was really happy (really REALLY happy) to give it up.

    To cheer you up, I had a medical aid bill ONE YEAR LATER and I flipped out. Went on hellopeter and they sorted it out pronto but I paid first. I was not going to be blacklisted because of R166 (random blood tests).

    The best thing in the world is seeing your DH with your children, isn’t it? you just fall more in love…

    Re the tummy, my doc said it’s normal to look 5 months pregnant for weeks afterward….

    Stay strong and do whatever you need to just survive (don’t worry about doing well or any of that hogwash) – the goal is just to survive with (most of) your sanity intact šŸ™‚

  7. Paula on

    Ja it is certainly awful! Expressing should get better, but I got awfully tired and yes depressed with it after about 2 months, which is also when my twins outgrew my supply so I stopped about then. I never tried to get them on the bo.ob, just went straight for the bottle, I just couldn’t face that drama after all the other drama as well! I was very sad about the whole NICU thing, not least of which is how cheated I felt and how robbed of my “perfect’ pregnancy. Good luck, it will get 100% better once you are home, and then it will keep on getting (surreptitiously!) better and easier.

  8. CalT on

    Ah Dee. Thinking of you and hope it gets easier from here out.
    I can’t even begin to imagine how rough it must be.

    Sending you and your precious little miracles lots of love!

  9. gailsnail on

    Shame my friend. I haven’t been through what you are going through but know it must be aweful.

    Well done for expressing – you are really helping your little girls to get bug and strong. Your nipples tend to toughen after a few weeks of expressing/breastfeeding so hang in there. I still can’t express on the highest settings of my breastpump as it hurts too much.

    Good luck with medical aid. They are full of sh1t. I had to pay in quite a bit after both kids were I am sure it must be 3 times as bad with triplets.

    I still miss my pregnant tummy. Love being pregnant šŸ˜¦ I was asked 2 days ago if I was pregnant. And Aidan is 2 months old! It took 9 months to get that way, you need to give it time to go down. Sure you are still looking stunning though!

    Sure J is such a proud daddy šŸ™‚


  10. Jodi on

    Guilt yeah that is one I never prepared for. It is really hard. You feel guilty that you can’t be the one to do everything for your babies all the time. Guilty when one baby is being fed and the other is hysterical. Guilty because none of them will ever get as much over your attention as they want. When you are ready to go back to work AHHH guilt, tears , sadness and relief because you actually have one private moment to yourself for the first time in months then guilty that you feel relieved. My kids are flourishing in daycare and very well socialized so there are upsides if you are unable to stay at home all the time with them. The huge downside is that you and they will be sick for 2 years straight. I didn’t even know that many cold viruses existed and then the vomiting yikes! Would i do it over again yes!

  11. Esperanza on

    I’m so sorry that things are so difficult for you. I can’t even imagine beginning the journey of motherhood that way. It sounds very stressful. I hope that things get better quickly and your babies grow steady and strong. I’ve never been through anything so difficult, but I hope things get better soon. You are in my thoughts and in my heart.

  12. Ginger on

    Hoping everything evens out soon. I can only imagine.

  13. Cedge on

    oh my friend.

    You can only try to do your best and no more. Hang in there, I hope in time you will find the strength to cope with everything that comes your way. Thank God you have an amazing husband.

  14. Cindyhoo2 on

    Ugh, looking back on our NICU days, I shutter. Having babes in the hospital cared for by relative strangers just feels so wrong— even though logic says the babes are where they belong at present. Hang in there Dee: these days will be followed by such joy.

  15. Mash on

    Yes, medical aids are thick! Don’t put too much pressure on yourself re breastmilk. Stirrup Queen wrote a very interesting post on this… She couldn’t breastfeed at all. HOpe it helps. Stay strong xxx

  16. darylfaure on

    I can only imagine how hard it is, and how draining it all is for you, but you are doing so well so hang in there!!!!! It will all be worth it when they come home. And don’t try and be supermom and everything for everyone. You have to take care of yourself and give yourself a break every now and then. Your babies will thank you later for looking after you too.

    No advice re the expressing – I never found it painful unless I had the pump on the highest setting??? Maybe ask someone for some help in this regard.

    Sending you lots and lots of love and hugs.

  17. strongblonde on

    i remember how scared i was to touch them. they just seemed so fragile. i didn’t want to do anything that could/would hurt them. b spent so much more time in the nicu than i did. i had to haul so many pumps and stuff with me…. then we had one in and one out. it is all a blur. we learned soooo much from the nicu nurses, though. take what you can from them. i swear i feel like a better parent b/c of that time šŸ™‚

    loving the pics! i can’t believe how beautiful they are! xx

  18. Cam on

    Hope your girls come home soon! And that everything just gets easier. Hang in there hun xxx

  19. bratty37 on

    Congratulations on your little girls….

    Hope they are home with you soon…

  20. pinkreflections on

    Thinking of you and your girls, Dee! Having three newborns at home is certainly going to be crazy, hectic and awesome. Please keep us posted when and if you (ever?) have a minute again.

  21. Jennifer on

    Happy one month birthday girls!!! (and 1 day :-)..) Hope they are doing amazing. I bet they are just gorgous!!

  22. Waiting In Sunshine on

    I know that 2 of the babes came home and you are super busy, but fron a selfish point of view, I want an update!! šŸ˜‰ šŸ˜‰


  23. lastchanceivf on

    Congrats on the birth of your girls!! I am thinking of them and hoping they are growing stronger every day–and wishing you a speedy recovery!

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