Answers to Questions Part 1

Thanks for your questions guys!

I think Ill start with the more difficult stuff first.

From Marcia:
What is your motherstyle?
I took the quiz that Marcia mentions on her blog (never did it before as I thought I didnt qualify). I came out INFJ which says the following about me: Sensitive and family-focused, the INFJ mother looks for and encourages the unique potential of each child. Self-knowledge may be her byword. Her aim is to help each child develop a sense of identity and cultivate personal growth. In fact, she may value the mothering experience as a catalyst to her own personal growth and self-knowledge. which Im hoping is good seeing Ill have 3 individual children.

What are you most afraid of, about parenting?
Im afraid of pushing my children to achieve. My dad pushed my sister and I very hard, which Im obviously more than thankful for now but at the time it was extremely stressful for both of us. We had to achieve the highest and best at all times and sometimes that was alot for us to cope with. Im worried Ill do the same to our children as its all I know.

What is the best thing about blogging?
Putting your thoughts out there and getting such a wide range of comments and replies. It helps put some things into perspective when you are hearing from alot more people that just your own voice in your head.

From Fran:
Was there a time when you lost hope about becoming a mom (of three may I add!)?
Oh YES. Many, many times I had no hope. All Ive ever wanted was to become a mom and after each failed cycle my hope started dwindling. I knew in my heart I would be a mom, one way or another it was just getting to that point that I didnt have the answer to. We had looked into adoption and embryo adoption which I think would have been our next attempt. All I knew was that I could never give up, stopping the quest to become a mother just wasnt an option, although saying that there were many days I questioned why in the hell I was doing this to myself and my marriage. Thankfully my husband helped me through those times and always remained positive, if it wasnt for him I would have been a crumpled mess in a corner somewhere.

How do you imagine your life in a few weeks? Or maybe better…can you imagine your life in a few weeks?
I imagine life to be hectic, almost robotic. Ive tried reading a few blogs but it seems that no-one ever blogs about those first few days and with good reason – there isnt time! I guess there is nothing left but to jump head first into it, we will make it work, we have always been able to. Im organised so Im hoping that helps me out. We have also hired a day nanny, a night nanny and I have a domestic worker to clean my house. I think we will cope. Well I really hope so.

From Celia:
How do you think infertility will impact your parenting style? Personally I feel a ton of guilt when I feel anything less than euphoric.
Good question and I think that IF will most definitely impact my parenting style. The mere fact that we struggled so hard to get here means that our babies already have one up on us. I told my Dh the other day that Ill do anything for these babies and he said he will have to watch out because Ill end up spoiling them, which of course I will. Its a fine line between letting them be spoilt and letting them be spoilt brats. I have also found that being pregnant and not being euphoric all the time has left me feeling guilty so I can well believe that these feelings will spill over into parenting aswell.

From Cindyhoo:
What are you most looking forward to in the realm of parenting?
Teaching my children and watching them grow up. I had a wonderful childhood. I was lucky in that I had a SAHM and she taught us so much, she was patient, kind, understanding and listened to us. I have no idea how my parents managed but somehow we always had everything we needed, nothing was too much for them. I want to be like them as they got it right with my sister and I.

What’s your biggest fear in raising tripletts (just normal, smallish fears)?
I would like them to be individuals, being part of 3 may mean they may struggle with identifying their own individual needs. I guess thats where me as a mother will have to try and coach them to express their needs individually.

From Abs:
I also want to know what your biggest fears are about being a mommy to 3 babies
Ive answered one above but another fear is will I be able to cope, esp the newborn stage? Emotionally, physically? We have hired people to help so Im hoping that I will be able to sleep at some stage. I also fear PND, Ive heard its a real possibility with multiples and especially after 5 years of being on a rollercoaster, I think giving birth might be the final flip in that rollercoaster and Im a bit worried about how Im going to cope emotionally.

Have you ever regretted your decision to put so many embryos back?
No, never. Ive gone over the way things panned out during the cycle and the discussion we had with the embryologist before transfer. I would still to this day have done the same. We transferred 1 Grade 1 and 3 Grade 2 so when we heard it was triplets the doc went back to check on the quality and said he would still have done the same. It was a shock to him too. There were cycles where we put back 5 and nothing took so when the embryologist suggested 4 we didnt even discuss it. Infact I wanted them to put more back but they advised against that.

Did any doctors try to pressurise you into fetal reduction and what were your views on it?
The doc mentioned it at my first scan but we already knew that we would never do that so we immediately said no and that was it. My view was always we will deal with whatever we were ever blessed with, I could never do a reduction. I know some VETS have in the past and thats fine, its their decision but its not for us.

From MommyinWaiting:
What did you do differently [in the BFP cycle] and of those things, which do you believe influenced the outcome?
I changed clinics!! This is one of the biggest changes I made. I found a RE who was very open minded and who was prepared to do the things outlined in Dr Be.er’s book. I took cortico.steroids, intra.lipids and blood thinners which I believe helped. Also my egg quality was much better which I put down to a change in meds (I took Fosti.mon instead of Meno.pur) and the extra protein I took during stims. I also took a list of supplements starting 4 months before which can be found here. I never stopping drinking and had my last glass of wine on my 31st bday, 3 days before ER.

From Kitty:
I see in an old blog post that you took Inofolic, did it work? Did it improve your egg quality at all?
At my first clinic they diagnosed me with PCOS but at my second clinic they said that I infact dont have PCOS at all. I believe that inofolic is for PCOS ladies mainly and when I took it I never really noticed a change in my cycle length or ovulation or lack thereof. Therefore I dont believe it helped me at all. I took it for one IVF cycle and my egg quality was still the same as before. I think taking the supps mentioned above helped me more than Inofolic. In saying that Ive seen alot of success stories with ladies using Inofolic so I would suggest trying it for 3 months and then stopping if you dont see results.

Ill return to answer the easier questions later…

PS this was fun!

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8 comments so far

  1. Marcia on

    THANK YOU – I will link you up in my post 🙂

  2. Marcia on

    P.S. I also wondered about the reduction – I also would never do it. I would just deal with whatever happened…….

    I had an interesting conversation today which I thought you’d appreciate hearing about…

    Was showing people at work the photoshoot pics and the one says something like, “but doesn’t everyone who goes for IVF have twins”. I said (very calmly, I thought), “no, sometimes nothing happens, sometimes 1 baby, sometimes 2, sometimes 3, etc” There is only about a 30 – 40% chance of pregnancy. _- i know different people quote different stats but this is what Dr G told me (maybe my age?)

  3. waiting4amiracle on

    OK, I have one now. Its inevitable that our blogs will come to an end at some stage. What do you think you will do with the information? Will you keep it or destroy it forever?

  4. Abs on

    Thanks for sharing Dee. I have always loved and appreciated your total honesty and heartfelt posts about sometimes tricky topics! I’m sure you will cope perfectly with such a great team to support you at home in the first few weeks. I only hope it gives you a few minutes to update your blog too! xx

    • dee on

      Thanks Abs, it means alot, I really try to be as honest as possible.

  5. Cedge on

    This is awesome. I love the bit about you not pushing your girls hard (I remember my dad pushing me too hard and it had negative consequences), also about them having their own personalities and nurturing that.

    As for the rest, I know that everything will go wonderfully. You have everything organised and well planned. Off course there will be difficult times, but the joy and happiness and fulfilment of having your dreams come true will overshadow the trying times. Those girls are going to be everything you ever wanted, and it is going to be such a special day when they come home. Enjoy every single moment as much as you can. I am sooo excited for you and J.

  6. Fran on

    Love it! thanks for the answers!

  7. MommyInWaiting on

    Thanks so much for answering my questions. I’ve often wondered how it was that this 7th cycle was such a HUGE miracle for you. That si quite some list of supplements! WOW!


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