Im trying

so hard to stay positive. But Im battling. Today being Mothers Day didnt help my frame of mind either. Ive been through enough transfers to know the rollercoaster of emotions you go through after ET. I know all this, I expect it but yet I wish I could get away from it.

I keep on going through this cycle in my head, trying to convince myself that I did absolutely everything humanly possible to make sure this would have a positive outcome. I dont think I could have done/tried/taken anything else, at least I have comfort in that. I keep on repeating to myself that there is nothing more I can do, its out of my hands. I keep on looking at the pics of my embies to remind myself that there is still a chance and I need to remain positive.

I do know that should this cycle not work that I will literally be devastated.

I just dont know how much more of this I can take. I feel bruised and battered. Yes, Im jumping the gun here but these thoughts go round and round in my head all day long.


10 comments so far

  1. Sharon on

    Hang in there Dee. Just recognize that all of these emotions have NOTHING to do with the outcome and everything to do with the stress of the outcome!
    Thinking of you!

  2. Fran on

    I completely agree with Sharon. Your emotions won’t effect the outcome so allow you to feel whichever way you do. It’s a roller coaster as you well know (and so do I), today you’ll feel different. Some days I wish the waiting was over, some others I wish I could stay in limbo for a year…you certainly did everything possible, now it’s out of your hands. Don’t duel on what you will do “if”…save yourself from the not needed stress. Keep busy as much as possible. Much love, Fran

  3. RJ on

    If it helps any, I was convinced our latest IVF didn’t work either – Wrong! I think the emotional acrobatics are inevitable after ET. It’s just plain hard. Thinking of you!

  4. skrambled on

    Ag man, I know that place. Hang in there! There is nothing you can do at this point. It’s completely out of your control. I’m really hoping for a positive.(Obviously)

  5. Mash on

    I can just imagine how hard that must be, and I agree, I do wish you were living down the road from me. Now wouldn’t be a good time for the wine glugging obviously, but we could still have a nice long yack and maybe a fat piece of cake. Cam (angels on my mind blog) and I are getting together this arvie for just that 🙂

    So here’s my suggestion. I think you should go for a fat piece of cake anyway today and pretend we are all with you. We’ll be with you in spirit. Cam and I will toast to you, not with wine but with a bite of maybe a luscious chocolate cake…

  6. Cedge on

    Hugs … not mush else to say. Hang in there.

    As for those unhelpful people you encounter … tell them to bugger off. I mean, you should ONLY offer advice or wisdom when asked for it. Who made them experts?

    I hope the time flies for you sweetie. Thinking of you and your DH. 🙂

  7. bratty37 on

    2WW sucks…

    Sending you lotsa happy thoughts to past your days quickly

  8. samcy on

    Knowing how it rolls does not make it any easier to get through. So cut yourself some slack and if you’re feeling scared, emotional, negative, anxious whatever, that’s ok too.

    Do whatever it takes to get through EACH minute of EACH hour of EACH day.

    Thnking of you and praying hard.


  9. jill on

    Everything has gone so well for this cycle! I’m so happy for you and I’m hoping like crazy that at least one of those beauties hangs on!! Sending lots of healthy pregnancy/healthy baby thoughts your way!

    (and ugh @ your last post – people need to keep their mouths shut, especially at fertility clinics… I am astounded at the comments you’ve gotten.)

  10. Cathy Nel on

    Hang in there 🙂 Sorry for all you’ve had to go through and I pray that you’ll get your BFP 🙂

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