Im in a funk. Feeling down, tired, irritated. Oh boy oh so irritated. There is nothing in particular just feeling off at the moment. It was my sisters bridal shower this weekend and I thought so much of when it was my turn 5 years ago and how excited I was to start our lives together. Our marriage have been pretty excellent all round except for that dark cloud of IF hanging around us all the time. Thankfully we only started TTC after we had been married for 6 months, so we had some time alone not having to contemplate next steps and how we going to make the finances work.

Ive been thinking that we need to try DS with this next attempt, even if we take only 3 or so eggs and try with DS. We havent yet ruled out the sperm as an issue and even with the results not being too bad its still something I think we should investigate. But then you know how it goes with using donor, a bit taxing on the brain cells.

I had another pregnancy announcement today, someone at work. It gets easier but its still hard to hear. I do feel for the woman as she had a loss last year at 15 weeks.

Ive been having such vivid dreams lately. Last night I dreamt of a snake and a mongoose that were trying to eat one another. Any dream analysers out there who could interpret this one for me? Ive also been dreaming alot about a very large swimming pool (like olympic size) that is being drained. Its taking so long and I get impatient and also anxious at the same time whilst I watch the water draining out. I hate it when a dream leaves you with an uneasy feeling.

Another thing that is making me feel sad/anxious, which is going to sound so stupid- is all this stuff happening at the moment in SA with stupid politicians (aka Ju.li.us Ma.le.ma), school kids being ridden over by racing draggsters and the woman in charge of the girls at Oper.ah’s school here being taken to court over abusing kids. It becomes a bit much. Ive stopped reading/listening to the news because honestly its depressing.

So thats all folks, just trying to get by and boy am I glad that this is a long weekend here in SA!


16 comments so far

  1. Gail on

    I definitely think you should try 1/2 DS like we did after we had no fert. Then you can see how your eggs look like with J’s sperm and with other (technically excellent sperm). Good luck with the decision and let me know if you need any assvice. xxx

  2. Abs on

    Hey Dee, sounds like a good plan. What have you got to loose really if it turns out the sperm was the issue? You wont find answers unless you try something different. It will be hard on DH but you’ve tried ED already and that has not shown any answers so it’s time to move onto another theory. I think it’s a good plan. xxx

  3. Bratty on

    Oohhh…I love Dream Interpretation…I have three books at home…so here goes
    Mongoose :
    To see a mongoose in your dream, suggests that you putting up a defensive wall as a wall to hide your anxieties or shortcomings. You may be struggling through issues with your sexuality.

    Snake :
    To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream, signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you. Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced. Alternatively, the snake may be seen as phallic and thus symbolize temptation, dangerous and forbidden sexuality. If you are afraid of the snake, then it signifies your fears of sex, intimacy or commitment. The snake may also refer to a person around you who is callous, ruthless, and can’t be trusted. As a positive symbol, snakes represent healing, transformation, knowledge and wisdom. It is indicative of self-renewal and positive changes.�

    Hope that helps a little….Good luck with the DS issue..it was difficult for me to make that decision…my B was quite cool with it…

    Thinking of you

  4. Mash on

    I’m with you on the SA issues. A very intelligent friend of mine said to me a few years ago – Z.uma will never be president. And look where we are today! If that other pratt comes into power, he’s going to make M.ugabe look like Albert Einstein.

    DH and I are going to an Australia seminar tonight. I recently discovered I have enough points to immigrate there, not that I’m in a big rush to do it, just exploring the options.

    Have a nice relaxing weekend! How is the gifting going? Mine is a bit up the pole…

  5. Leigh from 123 blog on

    LOL I also want to know how the 29 gifts is going – did you see on my blog? I’m also doing it and it is going great.

    My business is not going so well at the moment so this has been ideal to keep my mind off that….

    About the DS, DO IT! At least you’ll know!

    And about that Ju.lius twit, if I see ONE MORE pic about him or hear one more stupid thing, I will SCREAM! He seriously drives me nuts.

    About Z.u.m.a, I actually said “if that man is ever elected, I am emigrating. I will not let a ra.pi.st be my president” and here I still am, incredulous. It’s the affordable nanny situation and loving SA that keeps me here.

  6. Fran on

    Oh my friend, I’m sorry you feel so low. I cannot interpret your dreams a part from the one with the water that apparently is link to fertility and the desire of motherhood. Sending you big hugs for a better tomorrow. Fran

  7. Charissa on

    I’m sorry you’re in a funk. We’ve all been there. Or at least I have. Many times. The upside of going through emotional dips so often is knowing from past experience that you will come out the other side, even if it seems unattainable. And usually you come out sooner than expected. So here’s hoping that you wake up tomorrow in a happy funk, whatever that is.

  8. samcy on

    Can so relate about being in a funk. I hope you find your way out of it sooner rather than later.

    Regarding the cross over donor sperm – I think you have NOTHING to lose by trying it Dee. And you know it might point you in the right direction in the long run. Nothing ventured nothing gained my friend.

    Thinking of you and praying for you.


  9. Tam on

    I’m sorry you feeling down my friend, it’s an awful place to be.

    With regards to the donor sperm thing, I think it’s an excellent idea. You can use it as diagnostic thing to start off with and decide if you want to use those embies at a later stage if J if comfortable with the DS thing.

    Hoping that you find your way into the light real soon sweets.

    Hugs Xxx

  10. skrambled on

    I think the DS thing is a great idea! The stuff that is going on in our country at the moment is difficult and frustrating. I agree with you.

  11. Me on

    I understand how you feel abbout the funk, truly I do.

    As for the DS, if it feels right for you and your DH, then do it.

    Good luck!


  12. Heather on

    Funks are rough…DS is a great idea! Chin up…

    ICLW #29

  13. tasivfer on

    Our emotions just get yanked up and down, don’t they? And it’s strange. For me sometimes external things such as the horridness of politicians don’t bother me and seem minor in comparison to inertility, and sometimes they seems to add to how depressed I get. I’m in a ‘not bothered by the outside world’ phase at the moment, but it can switch so quickly! This is probably a good thing as we’ve just had a state election (Tasmania), and the count back of preferences could take up to a week and a half to find out who will form government or whether it will be a hung parliament. Being on edge that long if the external world was getting me down would be painful!

  14. Marisa on

    Sorry you’re in a funk!!!!!


  15. Jennifer on

    Sorry you are in a funk. Hope it doesn’t last too long!

    ICLW #28

  16. Willow on

    My sister-in-law’s wedding was last weekend, and it definitely brought back a lot of memories of the innocent 22-year-old I was when I got married, almost 8 years ago–just a girl, with no idea of the IF nightmare that was in store. I’m glad we enjoyed our marriage for 4 years before getting into the thick of TTC because it wouldn’t have been any easier earlier (in all likelihood), and at least we got to have some carefree years first. My SIL and her MOH kept talking about when they plan to have kids and I just had to restrain myself from pointing out that it doesn’t always go as planned. If it did, I’d have given birth twice already–but then I wouldn’t have our utterly amazing son thru adoption, so sometimes our plans not working out is for the best. Anyway, I’m sorry you’re feeling down and I hope things look brighter soon!

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