Emotional See-saw

Ive been busy, really really busy. Work, sisters wedding plans, being away, going away some more etc. Its been good. Im still taking my little white tablet each night but just pushing whatever emotions come up to a far corner.

Yesterday we were travelling back from KZN. We started some chit-chat over the upcoming cycle and I realised that I actually havent really given it much thought. I mean we start in about 2 weeks. Im unhealthy, fat, drink too much etc etc etc. By this time of each previous cycle Im gyming, eating well, loosing weight, taking vitamins. It just seems like such a huge effort. Its never helped me in the past so I just dont see the point. I then started feeling guilty that Im not taking this more seriously, by the time we got home I was crying, sobbing infact. Fighting with DH, throwing my toys out and went to bed with puffy eyes. not.good.

So Im trying to get a grip on my emotions, trying not to let them get to me, go with the flow yet still try and be serious about the upcoming cycle. I know this makes no sense what-so-ever but Im really trying, trying to just keep my head above water. Im treading water yet I feel like just sinking to the bottom and just be done with this now. So melodramatic I know…… 🙂


9 comments so far

  1. cindyhoo2 on

    I think we all agree that being healthy is important but I also think that we sometimes put too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect… as though that is why we are not pregnant. I am sorry that you are feeling sad and overwhelmed. Try to be kind to yourself, IF wears us down physically and emotionally.


  2. Shaz on

    Dee, don’t beat yourself up over the whole eating healthy thing, I think we’ve all learned that it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference to the outcome. What will be will be and has already been decided, so do what you need to do to make it through this cycle as emotionally unscathed as possible!

  3. samcy on

    I hear you my friend loud and clear, and you know what the whole health kick did not make any difference to your previous outcomes. So it makes no sense to beat yourself up about not being “healthy” this time round as that will not be the determining factor in the final outcome.

    Take a deep breath, count to 10 and try and take each day as it comes.


  4. strongblonde on

    just catching up after a short vacation.

    i agree with the other ladies. i think that mental health is much more important than being thin or whatnot. you need to be in a good place. the fact that you have not thought about the upcoming cycle is a good thing, i think 🙂


  5. In Due Time on


    I hate feeling emotional. I feel so out of control sometimes. I hope you’re feeling more in control soon.

    Don’t you just love being a woman? lol 🙂

  6. Kelli on

    I’ve been on that emotional roller-coaster before! It’s not the best ride at the park! I hope you feel at peace over the next couple weeks in preparation for your next cycle!!


  7. becomingwhole on

    Being healthy includes mental and emotional health. Sometimes pushing myself too hard physically can be detrimental to my mental and emotional health. It can be really hard to figure out exactly what we need to do to take care of outselves sometimes. We are so much more patient with others than with ourselves. I hope that you can find a way to relax and find some peace before your cycle starts. Good luck. (ICLW)

  8. Leigh from 123 blog on

    I was thinking of you this weekend…how are you doing now?

  9. skrambled on

    It’s so normal to feel this way. It is also scary and irritating. Remember choosing to go forward with a donor IVF is big. Don’t beat yourself up. I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but all I can say is I am here with you. If you need to have a chat about any of those DE issues that pop up you know where I am.

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