Uncertainty

Not sure what the hell is wrong with me, I feel like crap. Both physically, emotionally etc. Had a bit of time today so Ive been catching up on a few blogs – it seems like everyone else is moving forward in such leaps and bounds. I see a few ladies are also pregnant, which again gave me that knot in my stomach. Not really a pang of jealousy just an aching. The past few months Ive just been burying my head in the sand, having fun and forgetting all about ttc. Dont get me wrong its been great but now looking forward as November is approaching Im starting to get that very anxious and uncertain feeling. I need to start thinking of CD2 scans, sperm tests, Lucrin, trips to VL, acupuncture and trying to keep myself sane. I really do think that the anti-dep that I started in September is really working because up until now Ive given very little thought to the upcoming IVF….until now.

Ive even considered the thought of not even trying again (crazy I know), but I really need to get my mind straight and remember what Im doing here.

On some good news one of my very special friends has decided to try an FET with donor embryos. Im so excited for her and really really pray that Christmas will come early this year!

Oh and Im going for that damn root canal on Thursday, Im still in agony most of the time – probably also why Im in a bad mood.

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5 comments so far

  1. April on

    I feel you. I’m supposed to start prometrium today, but I have to wait or else I won’t be in town when I need to go to my day 2-3 labs/US. I feel like I want a break sometimes, but then I spend my break worried that I am missing something and that I should be trying. And when I am trying I feel like I second guess myself.

    I attribute it to drugs and hormones….that way I don’t feel like I should have myself committed!

    xoxo, a

  2. Shaz on

    I don’t think its crazy that you’ve considered not trying again, I feel like that a lot as well. I feel like to not try would be to protect myself against a whole heap of hurt and disappointment but there’s a downside to that as well, somehow we have to just get our minds right and get through it!

    Good luck for the root canal.
    (((Hugs)))

  3. samcy on

    I’m sure the toothache is not exactly helping with your frame of mind – there is one thing I hate the most out of painful things and it is toothache!

    It’s not crazy to have thought about not trying again Dee, it is normal I think – and don;t feel alone – I also feel like I’m stuck at the bus stop wiating for my ttc bus to come while everyone else is happily riding along to their final desitination…

    This too shall pass Hon!

    xxx

  4. Elize on

    i also feel as if everyone is moving forward and I’m still stuck! When I first discovered infertility blogs I would save them in my favorites (about two years ago) and would read them form time to time and the last time I did that all of them were pregnant!

    I’ve often thought about not trying again and like Shaz I think it’s to protect myself. I hope your toothache gets sorted out very soon!

  5. Robz on

    Hey my dear friend,

    When i read your post i just felt so like it was me talking! I know the feeling of feeling like you going no where slowly if you know what i mean. You actually get to a stage of “FEAR” and your mind starts playing games like ‘can i do this again”, “have i got the strenght emotionally & mentally”, “can i put my social life on hold for yet another 8 weeks etc” it just a never ending unanswered world and you feel totally alone and the worst is you wonder “Does anyone feel the same” or “Does my hubby know what my heart feels” and to top it all when you eventually get your mind around it the feeling of dam well 4am wake ups and long drives just sucks its so dam unfair friend.

    All the best at the dentist tomorrow!

    Love
    Robz


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