Feeling down

Ive gotten to that place where “I cant actually believe the IVF didnt work”, not such a good place to be. After the m/c I had so much determination because I realised that IVF actually does work. I figured that if it had worked before it would work again, so after the m/c all I could think about for about 3 months was “trying again”. Now its as if the wind has been totally knocked out of my sails, there is no more motivation to go forward, I mean how many more times should we try until we finally decide to end this journey?

Sometimes i just think lets start again as in like now and then i just remember all the emotions and im just not ready to do that again, Im only now re-connecting with J. IVF tends to distance us from each other, I suppose its just the stress and the “what-if” thoughts – what if it fails, what if it works??

On a positive note – we are going to Durban this weekend, really looking forward to that. I love spending time with my family, esp my sister. We are a very close family and their support means so much to me. So I’ll be back next week Wedensday, maybe a change in scenery will do me good!


2 comments so far

  1. peanuttam on

    I’m so sorry you’re feeling down, I know how shit the “I can’t believe it” phase is. Look after yourself, you and J take comfort in eachother. I think the weekend away will do you both the world of good.

    I’m thinking about you always and am here when you want to chat.

    Big hugs sweetie xxx

  2. Shaz on

    Sweets, its natural to feel that way, its EXACTLY a year since my last IVF and I’m not nearly ready to travel down that road and fae that roller coaster again, I don’t know if I will ever be, it sounds hectic, but I’d rather give up than face that again.
    Have a JOHL in Durbs!

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