My new blog

I read so many blogs everyday and finally decided to take the plunge and do it myself! Maybe it would be good to express alot of my feelings in writing, get it off my chest so to speak.

Well my first blog entry has the worst possible news ever. 3 days ago I got a BFN on my third IVF, probably why I need to get some things off my chest, huge heavy disgusting things. Things that no-one should ever have to feel. I feel like a weight is hanging over me, Im suffocating from sadness and emotion. Ive stopped asking those questions Why me? Why us? What have we ever done? That doesnt get me anywhere. Im just so sick and tired of feeling to incredibly sad all the time. Everyone always says I look so tired – I guess thats how you look when you have a heart full of sadness.

Today was my first day back at work since I found out (except for Tuesday when I broke down completely infront of my manager, but anyway thats another story altogether). I told our secretary that the IVF failed – she was really upset (which suprised me because normally people either dont know what you are talking about or they just ignore you). She said she doesnt understand why we are going through this, we are good people and we would make excellent parents – i totally agree. She said she totally believes that we will be parents and that God would not turn His back on us. It sure doesnt feel like that to me.

Then I read this posted on H24: Be patient just a little while, and things will take a turn that will reveal to you that you’ ve been in the flow of My Spirit all along. You thought you might have been way off course, perhaps even lost from My view, says the Lord. But, I have been with you the whole way and have even directed your steps to bring you to a new level of revelation, dedication, and consecration, which will serve you well in the coming days. Stay strong!

Psalms 138:3 In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.

Be patient is what stands out for me, I guess thats what this is all about. Our time is not His time and I must just come to terms with that.

Have our follow up tomorrow morning with Dr V NOT looking forward to that. Not sure how much more bad news I can take.

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1 comment so far

  1. Shaz on

    Patience, probably the hardest lesson to learn in infertlity. I’m really sorry Dee!


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