The post on Praying
Here is the post I promised on praying. If you feel you may be offended by this post then please stop reading now, these are MY thoughts on the subject and I welcome any others.
Firstly a bit of background – When I was younger I went to church every single Sunday without fail, I knew the Bible backwards and could quote out of the Bible. My parents were not especially religious so as I grew older I seemed to find other things to occupy my mind. My hubby comes from a religious family and he often spoke to me about praying. I started praying again and just speaking to the Lord and I did find a lot of peace doing this. Hubby and I don’t go to church but I have yet to find a church that I like. I DO NOT like the happy clappy type church and neither does my hubby. I find the sermons a lot better and after all that is why we go to church – to hear the sermons, not sing for 45 minutes with a rock band?? I actually love going to church, it fills me with a lot of peace and happiness.
Anyway back to the topic. What I just don’t understand is often people tell me to pray about our situation, which obviously I do. After I got my BFP I prayed like crazy that everything would work out, every single day I prayed and spoke to the Lord. But maybe I didn’t do it right? Maybe the Lord didn’t like what I was saying or He just decided that it wasn’t meant to be? There is a verse in the Bible Philippians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. So where did I go wrong? I don’t understand.
A good friend of mine is very religious. She was also going through fertility treatment and I actually thought that she would get a BFP “because she has a better relationship with the Lord and prays better than me”. As soon as that thought crossed my mind I realised how ridiculous it sounds but I actually believed it. Well she ended up getting a BFN and I actually ended up more confused! So prayer doesn’t work? That’s the message Im getting.
Then I see on forums of someone who has recently gotten a BFP and they said they just prayed about it or meditated for 28 days on a Bible verse. It actually makes me so mad. So why does praying work for them and not me?
During my second IVF I prayed A LOT and ended up with a BFP, I became very close to the Lord during this time then came the m/c and the third IVF BFN. Now Ive sort of stopped again. I want to be close to the Lord as I said above it makes me happy and peaceful but again maybe Im not being heard or doing it wrong or what??
Which brings me back to “maybe its not my time yet”, maybe this is a message from the Lord to say this to me and Im not listening? Or maybe the Lord doesn’t care? Do I do another IVF and have it fail and then know its definitely not my time or do another IVF and it succeeds and then I know it was my time. So how do I know when my time will be? All very confusing I realise that.
Just one last thing on the topic of religion and IVF – Ive always been a bit uncomfortable with the whole “playing God”, making decisions on which embryos to discard, choosing a sperm to inject into an egg aswell as “conceiving” without both parents being present ie not coming together in marriage and out of love conceiving a baby. Ive since decided that surely if this was against the will of the Lord that he would have not allowed even one baby to be born this way and also considering that this technology is around for us to use, He has given the knowledge to our doctors. Why He has given us IF in the first place is, I suppose, another story altogether.